Escape

More than any other motivation, escape is the driver of our modern world. Everyone wants to get away, zone out, be entertained, disappear into a screen nearby. Why is this? What makes our lives so intolerable that we have to get away constantly? People talk about the pressures of modern life, jobs that don’t satisfy, debts that are never finally paid, distress that seems unending, family conflict for generations, emptiness that can’t be filled. The solution for all these is to escape – into a drink, a drug, compulsive behaviors, 24/7 news, computer games, holidays, screens, sports, novels – distractions that leave us feeling even worse when they eventually peter out.

Sitting still without activity, being alone with our self, getting the rational mind to let go of rabbiting on – all of these are seen as a fate worse than death. We have to keep moving, doing, achieving, meeting goals. Are we having fun yet? But what are we missing by not being able to be in the moment, alone with our distress, engaging with the depths of our being?

In olden days, before the invention of electricity and modern conveniences, it wasn’t really possible for a person to live on their own. Being part of a collective – a large, extended family, a wealthy household, a religious community – was necessary for basic survival. One person simply couldn’t do everything that was needed to sustain life. Each person had their place and it was amongst many other people. Being alone for any length of time just wasn’t sustainable. Hermits never lived that far from a village; anchorites always lived in the midst of a community whether religious or secular. People just didn’t even think about living alone and generally didn’t see it as desirable.

But now a days, it is quite possible, with sufficient income, to live on your own. There is still plenty of social contact if you work for a company of any sort, though the option of working from home via the internet has lessened even that opportunity for interpersonal interaction. Slowly, as we spend more and more time on screens, we have less and less direct human contact. We are escaping into a virtual world that is sterile and inhuman. Escape doesn’t seem to be working. We just have to work harder at finding ways to shield ourselves from the underlying pain.

I have found after meditating for many decades, and learning more about the potential of my inner world from the experience of people like Jill Bolte Taylor, John Kabat Zinn, and Carl Jung, that there is an alternative to escape. There is another aspect to my psyche that has only recently been recognized as what is missing in our left brain dominant world. It is a primarily non-verbal, vibrant energy that is and isn’t me (in the ego sense of that word). As I sit still, gradually insisting that the rational mind let go of its chatter, there tentatively emerges an experience of energy that provides solace and a sense of peace over time. This energy engenders a feeling of love, timelessness, and healing. It doesn’t solve the left brain’s problems, but it does provide an alternative experience of reality that sustains me in a way nothing else does. My rational mind is constantly trying to bring me away from it, but it is always there, the wholeness of me. It is in you as well. It takes time and effort to slowly dethrone the rational mind, but it is the only way to open to the other side of your self. I recommend it to you.

And with this new-found wholeness of self, we will find ourselves naturally returning to human contact. It will still take awareness and perspective to truly meet others where they live. But with an experience of stillness, we have a better chance of being patient with others, of meeting them where they live rather than needing them to meet our needs. Hell is other people only when we live in our own internal hell. Find the universe within you, and the world will be transformed.

Why this cover?

SAUG cover 300 x 199 pixelsWhat goes on the cover of a book is one of the crucial decisions any author makes. It has to grab the viewer immediately as well as conveying a fairly accurate idea of what the book is about. My book ranges over so many topics, some of them very complex and others somewhat abstract. I was at a loss as to where to go with a cover until one of my readers suggested that it is very much about the journey. That resonated well, so I proceeded to trawl through thousands of stock photos on the internet to find something that felt right. I had no definite idea what I was looking for when I started apart from views of paths and remote roads. I trusted that somehow it would become clear to me as I clicked along patiently. A pattern emerged of photos that felt right. They included an image of a sunlit path going forward, leading into murky areas which give way in the distance to light and beauty.

For me this very much captures the journey of life. There are times of relative clarity. Inevitably things go downhill and I begin to wonder if I’ve taken a wrong turn. I struggle on and after a greater or lesser amount of time, things gradually ease up. This cycle repeats, which is why the saying that the journey is the destination captures a basic wisdom.

I was in college when I first discovered the great pleasure of walking and talking. Villanova has a green campus, which makes such walking all the more congenial. Toronto has a great system of parks and walks, which relieve the hard surfaces of city streets. Walking in West Africa was only done in the morning or late afternoon, but the scent of tropical trees and flowers was intoxicating.

Through the years, I have continued to savor the many hours that I have spent walking with friends, discussing the meaning of life, exploring our understanding of the flow of our lives, and witnessing the beauty of Nature encountered. Now that I live in Wicklow, the ‘Garden County’ of Ireland, walking has taken on an even greater satisfaction. It is a hilly county, and hillwalking is a very popular pastime. Gear for the Irish weather is a basic requirement, but there’s as much time spent taking in the spectacular views as there is talking.

So this cover on my book very much captures the enthusiasm for walking that has enlivened my inner journey. And hopefully the book itself will give you many topics of conversation for talking and walking with others as you travel the road of  your own search for the meaning in and of your life.

Anger

While there is much useful and valid information in Thich Nhat Hanh’s Anger: Buddhist Wisdom for Cooling the Flames, it is missing something.  That something is an understanding of the role the body plays in our anger. Like so many approaches, it hasn’t yet integrated what we have learned about the physiology of anger. This discovery has come through the research done on the effects of trauma. The many wars of the 20th century (and still continuing into the 21st) have overwhelmed the healing professions with people who have been seriously affected by violence. This appalling legacy of traumatized individuals has demanded that we come to a better understanding of what is involved in this type of wounding.

What we have learned is that the body has developed its own methods for responding to threat.  It wants to either fight, flee, or collapse/freeze.  If it doesn’t do at least one of these things, it can’t let go of the feeling that something awful is about to happen. This feeling then haunts the person, generating waves of anxiety, anger, compulsion, and/or obsession.  There is a relentless driving energy that doesn’t allow us to rest peacefully.  This energy is held in the brainstem, and mediated by the sympathetic nervous system.  Eventually we are worn out with the effort of being angry, driven, worried, apprehensive, or scared. At that point the body collapses, the parasympathetic nervous system taking over and shifting to inaction.  This is the biological basis of depression, exhaustion, apathy, and sadness.

Most importantly, we have discovered that there is only one way to communicate to the brainstem – that is through the body. It is the oldest, most primitive part of the brain.  The other two parts, the limbic system and the cerebral cortex, are not wired directly to the brainstem.  This means that no matter how much we feel, emote, cry, or even laugh, there is nothing getting through to where the trauma is held. Likewise, no matter how much we analyse, observe mindfully, or change how we think about what happened (assuming we remember what it was), can we release the trauma from our body. Fortunately, the actual solution is much simpler than any of the above. We simply have to imagine ourselves back in the original event, and then push it, run away from it, or allow ourselves to collapse and stop fighting with it. These are the basic movements the body has developed over millions of years.  When these are done in a safe space, the body is then able to release this stuck energy. We don’t even have to remember what it was that scared us.  We simply feel the fear and then respond with an action of successful defence.

Having learned about trauma from wars has also helped us to identify it in people who have been traumatized in other ways besides wars.  We can now see that there are many sources of trauma in our lives.  It is much more common than most people are aware. Crucially, we have come to see that the younger a person is, the more easily they are traumatized.  An infant has very different needs to an adult. But if those needs are not met, they can quite easily die. Infants don’t perceive danger if someone with a gun walks into the room.  Rather, if someone screams at them, or their mother ignores them, or someone shakes them so their head moves in an unsupported way, they experience immense threat. It is not mediated by thinking.  It is a felt sense that their need for safety and holding has been violated. This is not something we will remember as adults, but it will just as surely leave us feeling afraid or anxious.

Before we release the energy of trauma from our body, however, it is really important that we not allow past events to control our behaviour in the present moment. This can be very difficult to do if we are not conscious of the energy that feeds our anger, anxiety, fear, or depression. So becoming mindful of ourselves is crucial to acting responsibly in the present moment. If we are only on autopilot, we don’t notice that our behaviour is making our life worse rather than helping us love ourselves and those around us.

First blog post

This is the blog I am starting as part of publishing my first book in Ireland, Spirituality: A User’s Guide. This book has been many years in the writing, and it’s exciting to see it finally being published.  It reflects the accumulation of knowledge, insights, opinions, and wisdom that I have come to during my six plus decades of life. As you will see from the autobiographical material in the book, and from what I will blog here, my life has never been dull.  I have lived on three continents, had two distinct careers, and am now embarking on a third.

Through all that time, my journey has been deeply informed by the guiding light of love’s priority.  Loving myself and loving others, not in a romantic way, but in deep and practical ways has been the red thread through the warp and woof of my choices and interactions. From early on, I discovered that psychotherapy is the process that most powerfully fosters and deepens one’s ability to love, and to heal the wounds that prevent one being compassionate, empathetic, and courageous in the way of love. Thus I have participated in that process for many years of my life, both as client and therapist.

Initially, I had been inspired by the religion I was born into, Roman Catholicism. My parents were devout people. Most importantly, Vatican II happened in the second half of my grade school years, nicely timed to bring excitement and exploration into things spiritual as I started high school and on into college. But obviously the world has moved on in a myriad of ways since the 1960s and ’70s. Both Roman Catholicism and Christianity no longer hold credibility for a lot of people who used to profess that faith.

Some of the loss of adherents has been related to the activities of the institutions themselves.  Not only the rampant sexual abuse, but the added disgrace of denying and hiding it, has put people off in droves. Even beyond that, however, the cosmology and the soteriology (how ‘salvation’ is understood) of the Judeo-Christian story are now seen as incompatible with a modern understanding of the universe and a love-based picture of the divine.

So on this blog I would hope that others would share not only their responses to what I have written, but also put words on how they make meaning in their own life.  My book will be live on the web and in bookstores in Ireland by September 2017 at the latest. In the meantime, I will gradually add to this blog.  Let me know what you like hearing about and feel free to ask questions.